So I head to the post office this morning, and after waiting in the long line (of course!) I get my package and open it up and inside is a girl’s size small hockey shorts with “pelvic protector”. Um buh? I checked the box again and yes, it was addressed to me. But on the inside the shipping label was addressed to someone in New York State, both billing and shipping addresses.

What I then learned is that Amazon makes it challenging to deal with problems that occur outside of their standard problems. If I wanted to return it, I was told that “returns are easy.” But then I wasn’t sure if the hockey player in New York would get the refund or not. I don’t want the money, it isn’t mine. I then thought I’d return it as a gift, and that wouldn’t work as a) Amazon does gift returns as a gift card to the recipient (ie. me) not the sender and b) this item was apparently not eligible for returns or exchanges.

So then I moved on to their customer care form. First I have to indicate that the problem I’m having is not part of their online help. Then I have to choose from a drop-down that, unsurprisingly, has no option for “I received something I didn’t order and is not a gift.” I chose “other non-order related.” But it is kinda order related, but anyhow… So then I get another drop down, and by this time I’m getting ready to give up, except that I don’t want to throw away a perfectly good, brand new item, as that seems like a waste. So I slog on. I fill in the next drop down in the “other” category again, because again they don’t have one that is related to my issue. I then give details and then “more details” and hit the “contact me by email” option. I am now supposed to wait no more than 12 hours for a response. I hope that the hockey player doesn’t start her hockey games for a while.

This seems like something that many online form creators should be aware of – namely the goals of the customers using the form. My perception of this customer service form was that they were trying to avoid having to talk to me. There was a lot of focus on getting me to use online help, and I’m sure that’s useful for the majority of requests. But for those that don’t fit into that mold, the form can get annoying very fast.

One of the features that this form had that ended up being annoying was that it changed dynamically when I chose various options. Designers and developers love these types of forms because they are interactive, fun to build, and help the customer self-select exactly what they need. But I found it really annoying as there was never any indication that the end was in sight. I would select one option, and another would appear – poof. I would choose from that list, and the form would change again. As I said above I was getting really tired of filling out the form (and you should be aware that this form was the last in a series of things I tried before using it. I tried returning, gift returning, and then just looking for a number I could call before finding that link to customer service.

If I had been even slightly busier or on any type of time restraint I would have just given up and dumped the thing in the trash never to worry about it again.

I suppose the other reason it was tedious is because all of the choices I had for returns, gift returns, and even customer service were assuming that I had made some type of mistake.

For example, when asked why I wanted to return it, I was given options like:

• no longer want
• not what I ordered
• doesn’t match picture
• etc.

The only options that assigned any type of blame to someone other than me were related to the shipping, like arrived broken or arrived after due date. Both of which could be considered issues with the shipper, not Amazon. And in this scenario, Amazon was clearly the guilty party, either their programming messed up or the people packing the shipment messed up.

Ultimately, this form experience won’t turn me off of Amazon—I have had many many many positive experiences with them. But for a smaller, less well-known company this type of experience with a web form could turn a customer off a company forever.

Although, I admit, if I had received these shorts from any other company other than Amazon, I wouldn’t have made any effort to get them back to the hockey player in New York. I would have just dumped them (maybe Freecyle or eBay) and never thought about it again.

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: Re: Re:
Date: Wed, 15 Sep 2010 18:49:30 -0500
From: Noah Hansen <xxxxxx@xxxxxx.xxx>
To: Jennifer Kyrnin <webdesign.guide@about.com>

lol

————————————————–
From: “Jennifer Kyrnin” <webdesign.guide@about.com>
Sent: Wednesday, September 15, 2010 6:21 PM
To: “Noah Hansen” <xxxxxx@xxxxxx.xxx>
Subject: Re:

> You’re right. This mail isn’t very informative. ☺
>
> Was there something specific you were feeling was not very informative? Or was this a commentary on me in general?
>
> Jennifer Kyrnin
> Guide to Web Design / HTML
> http://webdesign.about.com/
> About.com | Need. Know. Accomplish
> ————————————————
> About.com is part of the New York Times Company
>
> http://www.facebook.com/AboutWebDesign
> http://www.twitter.com/htmljenn
>
> On 9/15/10 2:49 PM, Noah Hansen wrote:
>> not very informative
>> ~Noah Hansen~

My question is: what makes this spam? The fact that he bolded the title of the book? The fact that he included a link to the ebook’s web page? The fact that he didn’t say “I am not the author, I just like this book” or something equally obsequious?

Actually, I have two questions:

1. Why is it so important that you report this spammer by posting crap to my comments? Have you never heard of email?
2. And what made this comment so annoying to you, but the many “I love this article! Thanks for posting. URL” comments don’t cause you to report them as spam?

Two days ago, I got another spam report for my web design forums complaining about a post where the person linked to their web page.

Okay, this might very well be spam. But…

The poster was asking for feedback on his site. You can’t very well request feedback without including a URL. Yes, his signature then included the URL again, but holy crap people, just because people include their URL for their web design business in their sig doesn’t make them a spammer!

I used to respond to these submissions, thanking the spam police officer for his/her diligence and asking what made the post seem spammy to them. But I have never once had one of them reply to me. So now I just delete them.

I like to think that I’m growing as a person by deleting the police reports without responding. But it’s probably just laziness…

This is my first foray into my own images for a design. Or I should say, it’s the first time I’ve ever used a painting or drawing I did. I really like how it turned out. If you’re curious to know more about why I built this template, check out the About this Site link in the navigation above.

If you have suggestions, please let me know. All positive feedback gratefully accepted.

My original painting - scaled down

“Share your thoughts. What is a webmaster?”

And I received this reply:

“Title: Webmaster description…OMG                
I just read several responses to what others opinion are regarding what a webmaster is and quite frankly, the grammar, spelling, and English are deplorable. If one cannot master the fundamentals of communication, then the game is over. Webmasters will become specialized because of their skills and not because of a simple desire and a minimal education. How would like to go to a dentist who was self taught and just got by in school? Ouch………..”

I am not going to post it, because it doesn’t answer the question, but it does prompt me to ask the author:

1. Do you really equate building Web pages with dentistry? You’re right, I wouldn’t want to go to a self-taught dentist, but a Webmaster isn’t going to inflict actual pain on me if they do something wrong.
2. Has it occurred to you that perhaps the people whose grammar and spelling you are deploring are actually non-English speakers? Just because they are learning Web design from an English-language website doesn’t mean that they can’t make completely accurate websites in their native tongue.
3. And finally, what does it say about you personally that you feel that a slam on random strangers is a legitimate answer to a completely different question. I asked you to define what a Webmaster is, not what it isn’t or what your opinion is of the other people writing. I could ask you if you are capable of reading and make comments about communication in your favor as well. But I won’t, much…

I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised that people just feel the need to rant and rave in any forum. But honestly, keep your vitriol out of my living room. If you feel the need to get out your shiny metal grammar police badge, I feel the need to walk away. Go police some other site.

Which brings me to one other thing. Spammers. Who the heck knows how they think really? And yes, I know that it’s all automated. But MAN, why would they think that if one spammy message hawking their enlarging wares got blocked, that 100 more would magically get through. I know, I know, they just set up their spam fire hose and aim it at the universe, and since they’re spewing out such a huge amount of spiced pork, some of it has to stick somewhere. I do feel badly for the false positives, however, as man, wading through the morass of crap is not something I’m particularly interested in doing very often.

My favorite quote from the article* was:

“Fortunately you can easily locate the downloads section simply by typing the word “downloads” into the search box.“

Wow! No really? The search box? What is that?

I got an email from a reader a day or two ago that read:

“I’m a intermediate web design student looking for tips on where to get started both in terms of learning and your opinion on the best course of action for trying to get jobs and making money with webdesign as a part time job (maybe full time.)” [sic]

I admit, the navigation on my site leaves a lot to be desired. But there are 3 tabs on every page of the site: “Design Basics”, “Learn HTML CSS XML”, and “Careers”. There are some keywords in those tabs that seem to correlate precisely to what he’s asking for (“learn” and “careers” for those who want to follow along at home).

But there is also a search box where he could have typed in “get started” and gotten: Getting Started as a Freelance Web Designer – 12 Things You Need or he could have typed in learning web design and gotten: Web Design – Learn HTML / CSS / XML – Web Development – Web Site … (third link, the first was to my home page, and the second to an HTML tutorial which would have also done the job). Or he could have typed in “get jobs and making money with webdesign” and gotten: Earn Money on the Web – Make Money from Web Pages – Make Money as … plus the third link in that search is Is full-time freelance Web design a viable career alternative? which doesn’t answer his question, but might be interesting for him to read.

But instead of clicking on any of the three tabs or doing a search, he instead waded around on my site until he finally found my email link (which is hidden, yes, as part of that less than desirable navigation I mentioned) so that he could email me his question.

The question I want to ask him (but won’t) is: “Do you really think I’m going to give you some special hidden gem that isn’t on my site just because you emailed me?”

Here’s a clue for the emailers: I’m paid when you read my articles online. I’m not paid to read or reply to emails. So, the best you can hope for in an email reply is for a bunch of links that I’ve found by inputting your question into my search box.

Here’s another clue: It’s faster if you do it yourself. Even if you have to try 5 different search phrases or go through 10 pages of results, chances are you’ll find your answer within 5 minutes. If I reply to you within an hour you’re extremely lucky. Most people don’t get a reply for several days, if ever.

—
* Don’t get me started on the fact that the TUAW “article” was a bit lame to begin with. I mean, they are reporting that the downloads link is no longer in the navigation? Newsflash! Apple employees breathe air! Steve Jobs is reported to have been seen eating a sandwich! Apple.com is hosted on a Web server!!!!

Many of the people I used to chat with on Twitter now have so many people in their timeline that they never even see my posts. And I’ve never had the experience of asking a question or for help and getting more than a minimal response and often a snarky, negative one.

I wish I’d had a better experience, as it was a lot of fun at first. But now I just sync my Web Design blog to the account and mostly ignore it. It’s less stressful that way.